The Adventures of Poland and Russia!
by PaperCrave
Summary: The cracktastic lives of Poland and Russia along various other poor Hetalia characters that get wrapped up in their madness! M just to be safe for language and future chapters! i was bored plz forgive me for the suckyness!


OMG today was, like, sooo much fun! Russia got bored and wanted to hang with me and Italy down by the river and Italys, like, totally an idiot so, like, it was so much fun to watch him, like, die on the ice! Ok so we got down to the river and there's this totally destroyed old car that was, like, all over the place so we totally took the steering wheel and, like, drove a ice chunk down the river! Sooo much fun cuz Russia totally fell off and I was all "OMG RUSSIA DON'T, LIKE, DIE OR ANYTHING!" and he was all "heh heh it's ok" and it was totally freaky cuz all the water around him, like, froze solid! I mean, I knew Russia was weird but this was totally creepy even for him! So we all found Italy sliding around and he, like, fell and broke the ice with his fat ass! Seriously! That was thick ice too! But then we, like, found this old rope swing and OMG Russia on ice? Sooo funny! I, like, almost died freaking laughing! But it was so totally weird cuz Russia had this tiny stick and he all threw it at the ice and this, like, hole the size of a freaking car all busted open and me and Italy were all "OMIGAWD!" and we started throwing rocks and stuff at but get this- it totally wouldn't break! Dude, Russia barely throws a tiny ass stick and the ice shatters and we throw, like, boulders at it and it doesn't even crack a little! Talk about jacked up! So we found this little spot that was all nice and froze and stuff and decided to go, like, skate around on it and Russia totally faceplanted! It was freaking amazing cuz he totally broke the ice with his face! But then poor Italy, like, slid into a tree and, like, practically broke his face on it. So we went a little further down the river to where there was this, like, little waterfall thingy and I totally, like, was sitting on the log one second and the next I was all, like, dead under it. But Russia decided to drag me and Italy down the river he thought he, like, found a solid spot so he was all "Look the ice is solid! See?" and jumps, like, five feet in the freaking air and smashes back down on it and totally cracked the ice a bunch so we were all "RETREAT!". OMG did know what retreat sounds like? It sounded all 'shoogi shoogi shoogi shoogi' in the background! It was, like, totally epic.

Then it totally sucked cuz stupid Romano was all calling Italy and he was, like, totally pissed that he was with Russia and me. Jerk! Russia just, like, grabbed Italys phone and totally snapped it in half though. Poor Italy started crying about how Romano was, like, gonna kick his ass when he got home though so we had to go get him some gelato to shut him up. When we got to the store Germany was there and he was, like, pretty pissed that Italy made Romano worry like that so he totally just up and, like, kidnapped him back to his house and stuff.

So then it was just me and Russia. Of course gelato's, like, totally amazing and delicious so we got some and went down to this old playground. Yeah, uhm, like, totally not a good idea cuz it's, like, the middle of winter so it's, like, freaking below zero almost! And all I had was my super cute school girl outfit and a little jacket on! At first it wasn't bad cuz we were just, like, sitting around on the swings and the sun was still up so ya know, it was pretty warm. But then it got sooo cold when the sun went down! We were, like, huddled under this little dinosaur slide cuz it was a little warmer down there but it was, like, soooooo freaking cold still! I don't why, but I totally decided to call Prussia to bring me a coat. I mean, it's not like the guy doesn't have clothes shooting out closet doors every time you open one! I went to his house one time and when I was looking for the bathroom I opened this, like, closet and got trapped for half an hour under this huge pile of clothes. It was totally scary! But yeah, aaaanywaaaays! Russia was all, like, making fun of me for being so cold. He's all "Poland, how can you be cold? This is nice weather for where I come from!".

So I was all like "yeah where you come from! For my place this is freaking cold! Plus you, like, have your coat and scarf and stuff! Look at the outfit I have!" I stood up and flipped my skirt around to make it more obvious.

"Why would you wear such a thing in the winter?" he asks.

"Uh, cuz it's cute! Duh!" I rolled my eyes. And all he does is laugh! By the way, where was Prussia? I called him, like, half an hour ago! Ugh! Freaking slow germans!

Of course, JUST when I said that he comes running around the corner, like, screaming "POLAND! POOOLAND! Where'd ya go?"

"I'm over here!"

..."Where?"

"Ugh! Do I really have to come out for you to find me?"

"But I don't see you anywhere!"

"You're so useless Prussia!" I crawled out from under the slide. "Right here głupi!"

"Oooooh!"

"Chya so, like, where's my coat?"

"You didn't bring one did you?"

I gave up and crawled back under the slide. Somehow Russia started a little fire. Wait, like, how'd he manage that? And he's just staring up at me like an idiot with his creepy purple eyes.

"Yes Poland?"

..."Like, nothing" I turned around to say something to Prussia but he was, like, right there. "HOLY CRAP! LIKE, WHEN DID YOU GET THERE?"

"I've been here" he said. Not to mention he's got that stupid 'I'm - about - to - molest - you' smile!

"Oh no no no! Get away from me you creep!".

"If I'm so creepy why'd you call me instead of Lithuania?"...why didn't I? Oh yeah I remember now!

"Because you always hang out around here".

..."True enough" So we were all just, like, sitting there around the fire under a random plastic dinosaur and Prussia just up and, like, decides to tackle me! Then Russia thought it looked fun and totally flopped on me too! Not to be mean but Russia's HUGE. I mean, he's totally not, like, fat or anything he's just massive. And Prussia's getting kinda fat I think. "GAH! GET OFF MEEEEEE!"

"Ahahaha! Is the weight of my awesome too much for the tiny gay polish boy?"

"Dammit you asshole I'm totally not gay! I just like girls clothes cuz they're, like, way cuter!"

"Really? Kol kol" Russia just busts in.

"LIKE, DUH! OH MY GAWD YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY?". That ass! I knew he was, like, not that smart and stuff but seriously? So I totally threw Prussia off and started beating Russia with my shoe.

"AH! I'M SORRY POLAND! I'M SORRYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"NO! I'M SO TOTALLY NOT SHOWING ANY MERCY NOW!"

"GYAAAAAHH! PRUSSIA! SAVE ME! ACK! SAVE MEEEEEE!

"Aww c'mon Poland! Cut the big guy some slack!" I was totally not in the mood for Prussia right now so I started smacking him around too. Ok so maybe it was a little mean but I mean they'll live if they're anywhere as strong as they say they are. But Russia was, like, steaming I think I beat him so bad. My phone went of and it was Lithuania. Perfect timing! "Heeeey Liet!"

"Uhm hello. I was wondering if you wanted some food. They gave me extra at the chinese place I was just at"

"Like, sounds totally great! Where are you?"

"By the old playground"

"Oh Liet I love your awesome timing! That's where I'm at right now!"

"...But it's dark and cold outside. What are you doing there?"

"ME!" Prussia, like, sreams in the phone.

"Ew you wish you fag! Anyways your, like, in your nice toasty car aren't you?"

"Um yes. Why?"

"Cuz it's, like, freezing ass out here! And stupid Prussia forgot to bring me a coat! Anyways, I see you so bye!" It was freezing so I, like, sprinted to his car and dove straight in the front seat. "OMG it's soooo cold!". Yeah I was shivering. A LOT. So I was about to start eating some really good chicken stuff when Russia and Prussia dive bombed into the back seat and made me spill sauce all over the place. I got totally lucky though cuz none of it got on my skirt. Am I good or what? So we just drove around town for a while till Prussia just busts out like "We need to go ice skating!" and I've never been skating in my whole life. Russia was, like, all for it cuz he totally rocks at winter junk. But yeah Lithuania said he'd drop us off but he had some paperwork and stuff he needed to do. So when we get there everythings pretty good but I totally can't stand up worth crap! Goh I felt like such a total idiot with Russia out there, like, dragging me around. Not to mention I fell flat on my freaking face, like, 20 times! What really made it, like, a lot worse though is that Prussia can skate so he was all trying to bee smooth and get me to let him lead me around. Uh, like, totally not happening! It kinda sucked though cuz Italy and Germany were there and some weird communist chicks were all going on about how they didn't like his government and they were gonna kick his ass. And everyone totally knows Germany's got the hots for Italy so he got up to go tell those bitches to, like, leave him alone and one of them fell over and said he pushed her! We 


End file.
